Oh my goodness. I am soooooo worn out. I haven't physically worked this hard in a long time. And it's so stinkin hot, too! But watching and helping build a church is pretty cool. We got all the walls framed and put up today, and they were starting to put the roof on. I discovered I'm horrible at nailing stuff, but I can haul lumber with the best of them! That's mostly what I did today...and help out under the tent and carrying some other stuff. So yeah. I'm tired. Can't wait to go to bed...

I Kissed Dating Goodbye

Wow.

So I just read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and yeah...wow. I wish I had read it like, 3 years ago. It totally changed my perspective on dating. And it wasn't at all what I expected. He doesn't talk about giving up on having a relationship or anything like that. He explains what dating actually is, and how it's mostly motivated by selfishness and not commitment. Then he goes on to explain what his views are and how he thinks it works best. And it all makes sense. It's not some crazy, way out there, completely reject everything and insert my own reality kind of thing. It's real, practical, biblical ideas. I love it. I think I'm going to have to read it a few more times to really get all of it, though. I read it in two days...that's how much I liked it. Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello To Courtship (sequel to I Kissed Dating Goodbye) is next. Pretty excited about it :)

I'm leaving tomorrow for Church Builders...pray for us! Not quite sure what to expect...I've never built anything in my life. Honestly, I'm not that excited about it. I don't really feel like I'm going to be very useful. Praying about that, though. I am excited to see a church built in a week. That's gonna be cool. 

I've noticed that I almost always blog late at night. I guess that makes me kind of a night owl. It's when I unwind and think/reflect about my day. Interesting. Ok, I'm going to bed now.  

Random Thoughts

I just discovered a new bruise on my knee...and it actually hurts when I poke it.

I hate money. It's worth way too much and everything costs way too much of it. But I love stuff. Especially new, fun stuff. It's quite a quandary. 

Quandary is a funny-looking word.

I recently discovered the store Hollister (yes, I know, I'm way behind everyone else). I think it's going to become a new favorite.

I'm about to have to retire my favorite pair of Chucks, and it's seriously making me sad. I feel like I'm abandoning a puppy on the side of the road or something. Is it sad that I am that attached to a pair of shoes?

Lindt chocolate truffles are the most amazing chocolate ever. Period. Although German chocolate is a close second.

I've realized that lime green is pretty much my signature color.

It's amazing how much better sweet tea from Chicken Express and talking about random stuff with my dad makes me feel.

Sometimes, I wish I could afford to be like Christina on Grey's Anatomy...she never does laundry. She just buys new clothes. I hate doing laundry.

Who came up with the first fairytale? And what prompted them to do so? 

My little brother is awesome. I saw him last night at Super Summer, and we worshipped and prayed and cried together. Amazing. 

I cannot wait until August when I get to go back to San Angelo and live with my soul-twin. 

Soul-twins...perfect description, Bekah.

I have an obsession with black and white photography. 

I want a house. You know why I want a house? Because I want a yard. With a fence. Why? Because I want a dog. Preferably a big dog. So basically, I want a house so I can have a dog. And I'm just tired of being in an apartment. But mostly because I want a dog. 

I just got two new books. Yay :) 

Ridiculous Love-giving the best you have, all that you are, for the best there is...Jesus. 

That's what I'm striving for. 

I think I'm supposed to go overseas next summer. I want to be a JSI with iGo. Either in London or Tokyo...still trying to decide which one.

I'm out of random thoughts for now...more to come later, probably.   :)

From The Inside Out

by: Hillsong United

A thousand times I've failed 
Still Your mercy remains 

And should I stumble again 
I'm caught in Your grace 
Everlasting 
Your light will shine when all else fades 
Never ending 
Your glory goes beyond all fame 

In my heart and my soul 
Lord I give You control 
Consume me from the inside out, 
Lord, let justice and praise 
Become my embrace 
To love you from the inside out 

Your will above all else 
My purpose remains 
The art of losing myself 
In bringing You praise 
Everlasting 
Your light will shine when all else fades 
Never ending 
Your glory goes beyond all fame 

In my heart and my soul 
Lord I give You control 
Consume me from the inside out, 
Lord, let justice and praise 
Become my embrace 
To love You from the inside out. 

Everlasting 
Your light will shine when all else fades 
Never ending 
Your glory goes beyond all fame 
And the cry of my heart 
Is to bring You praise 
From the inside out 
Lord my soul cries out 

In my heart and my soul 
Lord I give you control 
Consume me from the inside out, 
Lord, let justice and praise 
Become my embrace 
To love You from the inside out. 

Everlasting 
Your light will shine when all else fades 
Never ending 
Your glory goes beyond all fame 
And the cry of my heart 
Is to bring You praise 
From the inside out 
Lord my soul cries out. 

Everlasting 
Your light will shine when all else fades 
Never ending 
Your glory goes beyond all fame 
And the cry of my heart 
Is to bring You praise 
From the inside out 
Lord my soul cries out

So Many...

My heart is searching tonight-searching for a place to belong. Not a place to belong right now-I am where I belong. But a place to belong later. 

I was talking to my mom on the phone last night about some new realizations I've had recently. 

First of all, I am almost out of college. Ok, so maybe that's not so earth-shattering, but for me it almost was. It was sobering to realize that my time in college is almost up, and then I am completely in the "real world." I have no idea what I want to do after college. Ok, rephrase that-I have plenty of ideas of what I want to do, but no idea of what I actually will do. A year or two ago, that would have absolutely terrified me. Now, I find it exciting. I've learned that God's got everything under His control-again, seems like a no-brainer, but I like to be in control. It was a hard lesson for me to learn. But I'm so glad I did. Now, my entire outlook has changed. I'm excited to have the freedom to live my life without the restraint of school. Don't get me wrong, I have loved college and the amazing friends that God has blessed me with there. But I have so many things I want to do, places I want to see, and things I want to be involved in that I can't do right now because I'm in school. And honestly, there are so many of those places, people, and things that I may not accomplish them all in my life, but that's ok.  

I want to travel the world-to see all these places that I've only read about and seen pictures of in my history book. I want to go to Rome and Paris and London and actually experience history for myself. I want to go to Germany and see magnificent churches, to Austria to see the Alps, to Scotland and Ireland to see where my family came from, to Spain and Switzerland and so many other places. And that's just Europe! Australia, New Zealand, Israel, Russia, Japan, China, Costa Rica, Jamaica...I want to see it all! I would love to have a job where travel was either part of the job, or the hours were flexible enough that I could travel. Some people tell me that I should just become a travel agent and make it my job to go places. I actually looked it up tonight...it's a possibility :)

I want to learn photography. I want to be able to take pictures the way I actually see things. I can't draw or paint (I'm not that artistic), so taking pictures is the closest I can get to capturing the beauty I see around me in the people, animals, plants, and things God has created. I don't know if I would do it professionally (although that would allow me to travel!), but it is something that I really do want to learn. Fortunately, I'm taking a photography class this semester :)

I'm good at planning and organizing things (just ask Seth, I basically run his life for him), and I absolutely love it. I know most people don't, but I do-call me crazy, I guess. I looked up being an event planner tonight, too...another great possibility. And from within that, maybe more specifically a wedding planner. I bought 27 Dresses yesterday and watched it again (I saw it in theaters), and my reaction was the same as the first time I saw it-I laughed. Not just because it's a funny movie, but because my own life is so similar to Jane's. Granted, I don't have a closet full of 27 horrible bridesmaid dresses (I only have 2 so far, and they are both really pretty and worthy of being worn again), nor am I madly in love with my boss but can't tell him, but I do have many of the same characteristics. I love helping people, I'm organized, I take care of the people I love, I can be sarcastic, I love weddings, and if you push me too far, I'll snap and do something crazy (no worries, that usually doesn't happen-it takes A LOT to get me to that point). Although unlike Jane, I can say no. Anyway, at the beginning of the movie, Jane talks about how she found her "calling"- to help people with their weddings. It becomes a theme throughout the entire movie as she explains that she does all of this because she loves the people and wants to make them happy by making their day as special and beautiful and perfect as possible. I love that concept. 

I also want to get married and have a family someday. Someday being the key word there. This is where the rest of the conversation with my mom comes in. When I get married (if it happens), I want to marry my best friend. And with the exception of 2 people in my life, every best friend relationship I've had or have now has taken 2 things: time and work. Which is good, and usually necessary. And even the 2 best friends that are the exceptions are only exceptions in the sense of time. With those two people, we instantly hit it off and had so much in common that it felt like we had been friends for years already. However, both of those relationships have taken work to maintain, just like the other ones. Anyway, I say all of that to say this-my life feels very full right now (at least relationship wise). Full in a good way. I am so blessed and have the most amazing friends that I can't imagine having anyone else in my life in that capacity. Of course I'm not naive enough to say that it can't happen...it will happen at some point. It will happen whenever God has decided for it to happen, and that will be the perfect time. People grow and change and move on-it's just a fact of life. The times that are hardest for me are the days when I hear about another one of my friends getting engaged (or two of them, as the case was this past week). Don't get me wrong, I am so excited for them. But it is a little bittersweet. I've realized that I've reached that point in life where my friends basically fall into two categories: married or single. I have very few friends left that are just dating. And that's fine...again, it's part of growing up and moving on. But sometimes I just have to remind myself that my time will come when it's supposed to, and to be content wherever I am until then. Now the good part about being in that single category is that when I graduate, I'm free to go anywhere and do anything (ok maybe not anything, but you know what I mean). That's part of why I'm so excited. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be married and everything when I'm done with college-I think it's a stability thing for me. But mostly I'm just excited about the different possibilities.

I'm hoping that those possibilities include working for a ministry. I'm in my 4th summer as a youth intern, and I love it. If I could do this full time and get paid enough for it, that would be awesome (according to my pastor, I should just marry a youth minister). But I would also like to work for a larger ministry-Beth Moore, 268 Generation, iWitness, etc. Or something like To Write Love On Her Arms or Invisible Children-organizations that aren't necessarily "ministries" in name, but are basically doing ministry through their organizations. I want to help make a difference in people's lives.

So where do I belong eventually? I don't know. But I have a Savior who is guiding me closer to that place every day, so I'm just taking His hand and following where He leads. Sure, I wander away sometimes...but He loves me enough to discipline me and set me back on the right road. And I can't wait to see where that road takes me :)

First Time

So I finally caved in and got a blog. I'm hoping that this will be a good outlet for me...a way to get what I'm thinking out of my head and maybe make me less stressed. Sometimes it will be writing, most of the time it will probably just be lyrics to songs that express what I'm going through or feeling at the time...I seem to relate to music the best/most. And sometimes it will be pictures. I love looking at and taking pictures :)  

So what happened today? Well, it was an...interesting day. Most of it was good, some of it wasn't. 

The good parts:

1. My boss bought me a snow cone :)

2. I had a lot of fun hanging out with the kids at the park 

3. I got a lot of work done on the Sunday School lesson I have to teach in a couple weeks

4. My dad and I at at Mrs. Kathy's for lunch...aka, the most amazing restaurant in Snyder, TX

5. Chris gave me the proposal details from when he asked Ashley to marry him a day or two ago...super cool :)

6. I found out another couple of my friends got engaged, too

The bad parts:

1. I still didn't get paid (really hoping it's tomorrow)

2. I broke up with my boyfriend (was the right thing to do, but still sucks)

So yeah...the day itself was pretty good, just the end wasn't so great. But it will get better...life goes on, even when we think it should stop and freeze for awhile. I so wish I was on a jet-ski at the lake right now, though...or that it was raining and I could sit on a porch and read through it (thank you Scott, for giving me that idea). Oh well. I'll just have some Jesus time instead...that's way better :)